December 31st, 2008 — Fetish, M, Ms Nikki Nefarious, Stuff and Things
Image from Postsecret.com (Check it out!)
It is odd to have New Year’s Eve in the middle of the week. It feels like a Friday night with all the anticipation in the air of big party plans. I have no big plans - I’m not really a party girl - I prefer to stay home and leave the madness for the mad. I’m going out tomorrow night, instead, to spend some time with M. I have not seen him since before leaving for Alabama and I miss him. On my way to dinner, I am going to stop and see Nikki for a bit. The last time I saw her, she took family pictures for us and we were out the door before you could say cheese.
Tomorrow, being the New Year, I am going to start Project Mrs. Claus 2009. I can’t tell you what it is yet, but I thought of something awesome to do for a gift for Christmas for MDS next year and I have to start it tomorrow. It will take the entire year to pull off, but I think given that I’m planning ahead, it will work out very cool.
Also on my list for tomorrow are going to the gym and getting a manicure. I could not be happier that I can run ever day finally. Running centers me and clears my head in a way in the same way that yoga does. Now I can have my yoga and running, too! I am also going to spend time clearing my gmail and catching up, since most people I speak with for work aren’t going to be working - it’s a good day to plan and strategize. If I catch a quiet minute I might try and write a blog post or two, who knows?! I might just get crazy and write three!
Happy New Year! Here’s to hoping that 2009 is full of forward momentum - Onward and Upward!
December 29th, 2008 — Advice, Affiliate Programs, Blogs, Photos, Stuff and Things
Once you cross streams, you can never go back when it comes to your identity. I’ve not just crossed streams, but I’ve walked in them and skipped rocks across them. Just the other day I sent an email to the participants of my kinky elf project, providing my real name and address to my office so that products could be shipped to me, and signed it as Catalina. “How silly,” I thought to myself, “I’ve just told them my name and address and then sign it with my online name.”
Who I am depends on who I am talking to these days. I’ve found myself asking in the last several weeks, “Who am I?” or “How do I sign my name to this?” as the many parts of my persona are integrated into one. I am Kate to some, mostly those who knew me as a teacher or in graduate school. Officially with my M.A. at the end of my last name if I’m writing something that really matters. I am Kiki to some, mostly those who know me in real life or some version of it. Catalina was born out of desire to try to remain anonymous in the bloggosphere that was just randomly concocted by using my birth name, Kathleen and mixing it with my love of the Spanish language and culture - violá, Catalina. But how do I sign my Christmas cards?
If you don’t know this, I never planned on making a brand out of my name. It just kind of happened, which is neato, but was a surprise. Marky D Sade, whose real name is Marky, was working as the head fetish writer for a large company and I created a Myspace profile to flirt with him and try to increase his online presence by hyping up his comments. At the time, as a teacher, I didn’t want to use my real name. Those in the bloggosphere refer to their blog name while those in the BDSM scene do the same thing with their scene names — it’s an honor when people reveal their real names to you, at least it is to me. I feel as though I’ve crossed some boundary of intimacy and trust in which they can at least tell me their real name.
Now that I’m public - that is to say my friends and family know what I do for a living, it seems sillier and sillier to continue to call myself Catalina, and yet it is the brand I have created and as any good PR person will tell you, don’t change your brand. If Coldplay all of a sudden decided to become the Chris Martin Band, they would have real issues with branding and would certainly lose ground. I feel as though that’s the position I am in.
So why bother to give it another thought? Because, in fact I think there seems to be a legitimization in the process of revealing your real self to the public - to write anonymously vs. writing openly and putting your name to it. After all, if someone Google searches your name, what you write will be associated with it and that has to be considered - it’s almost as though you’ve signed your name to it in the eyes of the public whereas when you write anonymously you can write whatever the hell you want to and nobody will ever know it’s you. You can take potshots at others, you can lay it all out there without repurcussion, and maybe that’s not always a good thing.
So what are the drawbacks of publicly stating ones name aside from stalkers? Well, if your ex-husband is out to get you, it certainly makes it easier for him. If someone wants to question your morals or ethics, they can always make the argument that you put it out publicly for the world to judge. You could lose your job, no doubt, for what you write, and your family could shun you. I have heard through the family grapevine that my mom and sister have nothing nice to say to me after learning that I write Catalina Loves, so they’ve just chosen not to talk to me at all.
So maybe, with all that at stake, privacy seems a better option, certainly a safer option. How private is your blog though? Are you living behind the veil of anonymity? Let me throw this out there. How many bloggers do you think know that their identity was compromised if they are affiliates of two of the biggest sex toy companies on the internet? How many bloggers consider that the possibility even exists that this information could leak into the wrong hands and their identity could be published on the internet? How difficult would it be for those around you to figure out that your blog is you, if they found it? What’s likely to happen? What are the consequences of being discovered? Read Sex In The Public Square and find out what happened to Beautiful Rebecca after she was outted - if you don’t believe me - because the possible consequences are more than just theory and those who want revenge will dig deep to get it.
I’ve got nothing to lose. Google searches be damned. My name is Catalina, or Kate, or Kiki, depending on the context, and I am a sex blogger. Gasp. I write about sex. It’s pretty mild compared to most evil in the world, and yet it’s enough to make most people very uneasy to sign their name to. I officially sign my name to my blog. I am Kate Donahue.
December 28th, 2008 — Claire Adams, Coldplay, FetLife, Stuff and Things, Websites
Yay! We are back safe and sound from visiting Marky’s family in Alabama. We came back to some nice Christmas cards, including one from Claire Adams with a picture of her beautiful black and white kitty inside. Though I think her kitty cat is cute, Mr. Whiskers still is my favorite black and white kitty and wins all kitty contests. It was funny to open Julie Simone’s Christmas card and out slips her business card and the image on it is hard and kinky - just like Julie - ’tis the season. There were also a couple of birthday cards in there. Thank You, Diva, for sending me birthday wishes. I’m officially 37 now. I am seriously considering moving my official birthday to June 21st instead of December 25th. I am sick of sharing my birthday with baby Jesus. I like to be the star of the party!
My in-laws gave me the most comfortable, yet unsexy bathrobe in the entire world. It really is soft and warm and fuzzy, but it really is the same bathrobe that my mother-in-law wears and sexy isn’t how it is best described. :-) Although she did tell me one morning that she needed to take a shower and wash the sex smell off. Ewwww…now I know how W feels if I say something about sex. Some things are best left unsaid. As Marky and I returned from a quick errand out, he said, “Gee, I sure hope our children’s Nana has washed the sex off of her…” (me, too!)
Marky bought my gym membership for me, which is what I really wanted, for my birthday - so now I can run every day! I am really excited, actually. It is exactly the right gift!! Weeks before Christmas he gave me my Christmas presents - a new heart monitor for the gym and an amazing Coldplay EP and Viva la Vida t-shirt. Yes, I’m 17, I like my band shirts! :-P
For Christmas, my in-laws gave me an absolutely gorgeous necklace and earrings. I am serious. I love them, they are perfect. We had a really nice Christmas dinner - maybe the first family Christmas dinner I’ve been to that was delicious, enjoyable, and nobody yelled, screamed, or left early. It was a little weird eating with 12 strangers, but they were all nice old people, friends from their church, except for one - the pastor’s wife. She was the most hateful, judgemental person (I say, judging her) I have met in recent history. Marky says I pissed her off when I tied an apron around her husband, who was carving the turkey. Whatever. No reason to be an outright bitch to me on my birthday.
So it’s back to business as usual for me, I spent the day working on FetLife and getting caught up. In case you live outside of the usual bloggosphere and haven’t already heard about it, I several days before Christmas arranging for kinky stockings for the fantastic volunteer team of greeters and caretakers who so deserved a lovely gift. The companies that contributed toward the boxes of goodies are remarkable and really came through in a big way in a very short period of time! I will always be grateful to the sponsors of the first annual biggest and bestest Kinky Christmas Stocking. You can get one for yourself, just take a look at the Kinky Stockings page on FetLife.com and follow the directions to enter to win. It’s an impressive bag o’ naughty and nice! You can even increase your chances of winning by writing about it on your own blog and linking back, posting about it in LiveJournal, Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc. All the instructions are there, just follow them and you will be on your way :)
So next we have New Year’s Eve — what’s happening and where? Why haven’t I gotten a single invitation to a single NYE party?! What the hell?
December 22nd, 2008 — Altered Aperture, Blogs, Photos, Sugasm
December 22nd, 2008 — D, EmJ, Email, FetLife, La Profesora, M, NYC, Stuff and Things, The Dude
Image from Postsecret.com
I’m wrapping things up to leave for Alabama. It was a great week here. A very nice package from a friend in NYC showed up unexpectedly with a bottle of Chartreuse and little finger puppets for the baby. It was very sweet and we are very grateful. Thank you, D!
Another package that I am expecting from NYC did not make it here yet, which is kind of a bummer. I sent money to a friend to have something sent special for Marky and it hasn’t arrived. I’m hoping it gets here before we leave for the Holiday.
My friend, EmJ, has a birthday while I’m away on vacation and I sent her a birthday package that she did actually receive on time. This shocks me, since she didn’t get my Christmas card! I am truly baffled by the USPS lately. Happy Birthday, EmJ! I hope that the 364 days between this birthday and the next are full of love, joy, and peace!
Happy Birthday tomorrow to La Profesora! Your card won’t make it to you on time, but it’s worth it, because I included a couple of pictures for you. I love you! I am so proud of all you have done in the year since your last birthday. You are truly inspirational.
I went out to dinner with M on Friday and was called home in the middle of dinner - the poor baby was very ill and nothing but Mommy will do in those times. M was very understanding and we wrapped up food and I left very quickly. It was disappointing to not spend much time together before leaving on vacation, but he will still be here when I get back.
The Dude had sex last week and refuses to give me details until I can honestly say that I did my ab workout, but since I can’t and he knows when I’m lying to him, I’ve heard no details about his sex. By the time I get back from vacation, he will have forgotten and the story won’t be as juicy - what’s the point now?! ;-)
I am really, really behind on writing and email. I’m hoping to catch up while I’m on vacation. I owe email to friends that wrote me like a month ago! My content list for Catalina Loves is up to something like 30 posts. That’s on my list of things to do not even my fantasies and experiences and adventures, and need I remind you I still have hardly written about my adventures in NYC! Yes, I’m hoping that this vacation I manage to get some work done. It sounds silly, but I have to go on vacation to work.
I worked on a very secret elf project this week and it was a lot of fun. I wish I had another month to work on it, but time passes whether or not we like it. I had a huge battle with a large pharmacy, who I won’t even name here because it will only give them a Google hit, who fucked up prints of our family photo that was done as a gift for my in-laws. They look like they were done on a color copier, and poorly, in 1986.
And that’s about my week in summary. I’m behind, I’m out of touch, and I have no social life to speak of. Work is really cramping my style! I have the best job in the world, actually, and the fact of the matter is that work is very much my social life.
December 18th, 2008 — Altered Aperture, BestSexBloggers.com, Blogs, Books, FetLife, Lochai, M, Madison Young, Movies, Mz. Berlin, NYC, Photos, Shopping, Stuff and Things, Toys, Updates
Photography by AlteredAperture.com
I’m a very lucky girl. I wake up to my husband, who has already gotten up before the alarm goes off and gotten the kids off to school and daycare without me even knowing it. No, it’s not my birthday (yet). It gets better. I don’t drink coffee first thing in the morning - the idea of drinking something hot when I wake up makes me gag, so he brings me a cold Diet Pepsi instead. I get snuggled awake and gently introduced to a new day. It’s just one of the nice things that Marky does every day for me. Funny that a sadist can be so sweet. I think it’s the combination that makes him so perfect, actually.
One week exactly until my birthday. I will be spending it in Alabama with Mark’s dad, stepmom, and something like 9 other people that I don’t know. This is the sucky part of having a Christmas birthday. No matter what, it’s still Christmas and my birthday is an afterthought. Imagine celebrating your 21st birthday with your grandparents and cousins at the kids table. Good times.
Let’s see, it’s getting late so the week’s synopsis:
- I’m in love with my new lipstick, recommended by Mz Berlin, who swore up and down repeatedly that I must own Black Honey lipstick from Clinique. She was right. It is the perfect lipstick. Mz Berlin rocks for beauty advice.
- I did a shoot with Altered Aperture on Monday, some of the images have been posted on Facebook, some on FetLife, some on my blog, and some on BestSexBloggers.
- I sent out tons of holiday cards.
- I got to talk to Lochai a couple of times.
- I spent a night away from the kids with Marky, a gift from a very dear friend of mine. We went to a nice hotel, had a private jacuzzi room, ate at Copper, and spend the entire night doing nothing (and then having great sex at like 5 am and sleeping in the next morning!) It was our first night away in 5 years. It was great. I want to write about it separately so that’s all I’ll say for now.
- I arranged for a very special Christmas surprise for Marky with a secret Santa cohort in New York City. He has no idea what it is, and will be very surprised to see it.
- I received a very nice book in the mail from a good friend who knew it was just what I needed!
- I started running again. I ran 2.25 miles, so I’ve lost some endurance and speed, but I will get it back.
- I worked on a secret Elf project that I can’t even hint about yet.
- I ate the best sushi with M on Friday night and hung out with him for the first time since I went to New York. It was great to hang out. He gave me a very nice bottle of Rioja that I’m taking to Alabama for my night away from the kids in the cabin. Anyway, I will really miss M if I don’t see him this weekend, so I’m hoping to have a chance to see him again this weekend before leaving for Alabama.
- I found out that a friend of mine is pregnant (this is good news for her!)
- I went out for French Toast with The Dude and then borrowed his vacuum cleaner and vacuumed my entire house. The Dude rocks, I’m telling you. Seriously. I think he has a girl at his place tonight. I texted him to ask if he had gotten laid. The fact that I got no response is a good sign.
- Izzabelle tells me that she’s coming to visit this weekend, I can’t wait to hang out with her!
- A former student of mine, who is just as adorable as can be, called and is going to be nearby to visit family and is coming to visit while he’s here. I taught him several years ago when I worked in the boarding school in Ohio. He was one of “our kids”. We love him like the teenage son we never had. Now he’s grown up and in college. How bizarre!
- I got a new movie from Madison Young to review, a Lelo Mia from VibeReview.com, and an entire shipment from SexToy.com of goodies to investigate and report on. I’ll write a separate post about it on Catalina Loves.
and now… I have to watch tonight’s Top Chef and go to sleep to get up and do it all again tomorrow. It’s late, or early, depending on how you see it. For me it’s late. Goodnight :)
December 10th, 2008 — Advice, Altered Aperture, Photos, Stuff and Things, Weight Loss
So yesterday I wrote a post about my approach to quitting smoking, and it occurred to me that I could write the exact same type of post to answer all those questions I get in my inbox about my weight loss.
- “How did you lose the weight?” (hard work)
- “Did you follow a program?” (my own)
- “Did you have a gastric bypass?” (nope)
- “Have you tried hypnosis?” (no, journaling)
- “What about weight loss pills? Weight Watchers? Jenny Craig (et. al)?” (none of the above)
Well, here’s how it goes.
1. I am conscious of every single calorie that goes in my mouth down to the 5 calories in a piece of gum or the 15 calories in a packet of Crystal Light. I know that there are 490 calories in my Starbucks drink and if I choose to drink it, I’m replacing lunch with a drink. I know that there are 220 calories in a McDonald’s sweet tea and if I choose to drink it, I’m drinking liquid calories. Those calories don’t come off easy. Don’t be a pussy. That’s right. I am serious. Don’t do it. Suck it up. Part 2 of this is:
2. I am conscious of every single calorie I burn when I work out. I pay close attention to my heart rate, I watch the digital readout like it’s the stock market ticker at the bottom of CNBC as the calories tick away. I can tell you that running for 45 minutes can be worth a sweet tea. It can also not be worth it. It helps to make choices knowing just what you’re getting yourself in to.
3. Make time to journal. I write the date, how much I weigh, and how much of a net loss I’ve seen, so today’s entry, for example starts with Wednesday, December 10, 2008 (140 lbs: -130 lbs.). Things that may seem unimportant in weight loss turn out to be really big issues and you never know how a journal entry will go. If you have nothing to write, then write that. “I have nothing to write. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. How is writing in this stupid book going to keep me from eating oreos?” and pretty soon you have a journal entry. Trust me. I started journaling in 1992 after my helicopter crash and it is a true life skill I think more people should utilize.
4. Set small goals. I started with 150 lbs. to lose. There is no way one can set a goal for 150 lbs. The number is unattainable in that dose. I always set goals ten lbs. at a time. I want to get to 139. From there I can work my way down to my next goal, 129.
5. Acknowledge plateaus. They aren’t an excuse, however, They happen because your body is beginning to act like a normal human body - you put food in, it expends energy. Nothing really changes. This is when you need to use your secret weapon — hold something back for these moments. Add yoga to your workout. Walk just one extra lap around your apartment complex. Run just one more song. Eventually you will win the battle between your body and your mind.
6. Change the way you look at food. Are you really deprived because you can’t eat french fries and burgers? Most women I know who respect themselves would consider a meal at McDonald’s to be slumming it. Why would you lament the loss of something that most Americans, despite their habit of eating there, look down upon?
7. Eat smart! There isn’t anybody in America who can claim ignorance when it comes to a healthy diet. Everybody knows that you are supposed to eat foods that are lean, high protein, healthy carbs, lots of fruits and vegetables, raw foods, and water. Seriously, is there anybody who really thinks that eating fast food, big portions, and greasy meals is a good idea? It’s easy, I’ll give you that, but so is a bowl of cereal. This leads to number 8.
8. If necessary, be lazy about meal preparation. Lazy used to mean that we went to McDonald’s or we ordered pizza. Lazy now means that we eat oatmeal, a bowl of cereal, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or scrambled eggs for dinner.
9. Get off your ass. Yes, I said it. Get off your fat, lazy ass. I mean that to myself as much as to anybody. I’ve been slacking lately as I have had a thousand excuses for not running or doing my ab routine. It’s that simple. If you are afraid to join the gym, like I was at 270, then walk around your neighborhood at 3 am with your ipod and your cell phone. I call people on the West Coast and catch up with them while I’m walking around and around in circles. If you can muster up the energy to give it a try, do some yoga. I think yoga is better than walking. Doctors always tell people to walk, but I would recommend starting with yoga any day of the week. FitTV has Namaste Yoga and Oxygen has Inhale. Namaste is more for beginners and Inhale is more an aerobic yoga program. If nothing else, there are all kinds of programs on PBS and online. Just do something! Eventually work your way up to being brave enough to try out the gym. Yes, it’s scary. You are convinced that everyone there is looking at you wondering what a fatass like you is doing in the gym and thinking to themselves that you will, of course, fail within weeks. That’s actually not them, that’s you. They are actually thinking, “Awesome, good for you!” Nobody has ever been mean to me in a gym. People genuinely appreciate your effort there.
10. Once again, just like I said with my post about quitting smoking, I think there are times in life when you have to decide that you are taking control of your life. Pills and medical interventions are an option. They were not an option for me. In the end, pills and surgery don’t heal the pain that causes the endless pit of hungry for most people who eat too much. The only cure for fat is you. You are the only thing holding you back. “What will my husband say? Will he be mad? My family doesn’t want to eat broccoli and chicken…” You know what I say to that? Fuck them. Let them cook their own dinner. If you are cooking healthy meals and they choose not to eat it, then they make that choice, but as soon as you give in to it, you are a participant in that choice. You are the only one that decides what you eat, where you stop, what groceries you buy, what you cook for dinner. You are the only one who can do it. You are the only one holding yourself back. So the question becomes, why are you holding yourself back? What are you afraid of?
December 9th, 2008 — Advice, Cigarettes Are Evil, Stuff and Things, Weight Loss
So I quit smoking on Sunday, December 7th at 3:00 pm. Yes, I know to the minute when my last cigarette was. Marky and I went out for brunch at 300 East and I ate the most delicious Brioche French toast and apple-flavored bacon and got in the car to leave, lighting my last cigarette ever. It was after I put it out that I realized it was my last cigarette and I lamented not having smoked it down to the butt, getting every last bit I could, but qué será será.
I quit smoking before. When I was pregnant with my first child, W, in 1994 I quit smoking and didn’t smoke for a few years after she was born. If I recall, I went to spend Christmas with my family, drank a lot of wine and ended up smoking cigarettes with them. I quit smoking again when I was 30 and in graduate school. I wanted to move up in the world and quite frankly, smoking was seen as very trashy in my circle and I was concerned about shedding my trashy roots. I didn’t smoke cigarettes again until I moved to Ohio and made my first trip to Spain. How can one not smoke in Spain - it’s part of the culture. It’s still considered polite to offer a cigarette out of your cigarette case to those around you. I thought I would quit when I returned to the United States, but I didn’t. Then I said I would quit when I moved to Charlotte. I didn’t. I quit saying I was going to quit.
For the last several months I’ve thought about quitting, but I haven’t really spoken about it. I’m like this when contemplating big life decisions - I will stay awake nights thinking and journaling, and then what seems very sudden to people is actually something very thought through and planned. This announcement that I’ve quit smoking is one of those decisions. I’ve thought of it for a while now, especially after losing 130 lbs., it makes more sense than ever to quit smoking. Running is something I really enjoy. If I give up smoking cigarettes, I can afford the heart monitor I am required to own to join the gym I want to join. Therefore, following logic, by choosing to quit smoking I am choosing to go running every day, thereby being healthier and losing the final 20 lbs. I have to lose. Win-Win.
Aside from my own personal reasons for quitting smoking, I’d like to especially honor my good friend The Butterfly Temptress, who is fighting cancer. Though not related to cigarettes, watching her battle with cancer has solidified my fear of the inevitable path I face if I continue to smoke cigarettes another day.
Now I have to take the same discipline and toolbox to quitting smoking that I did to losing the weight. I have my own tricks. Here are some of them. For others, see “Fifty Quitting Tips,” which is found on WhyQuit.com. It is bookmarked in my browser! Whatever you do, avoid the US Government’s smokefree.gov page. They suggest moronic tools like, “Swimming, jogging, playing tennis, bike riding, or shooting baskets. It’s hard to smoke and do these things at the same time. How about walking your dog?” To be honest, I would like to be alone in a room for five minutes right now with the fucking asshole who suggests I go play tennis or shoot some hoops to get through a craving. I have serious anger about this. That’s the withdrawl monster talking… she’s mean! According to the American Cancer Society, withdrawl symptoms common in the detoxing of smokers are:
- dizziness (which may only last 1 to 2 days after quitting)
- depression
- feelings of frustration, impatience, and anger
- anxiety
- irritability
- sleep disturbances, including having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, and having bad dreams or even nightmares
- trouble concentrating
- restlessness
- headaches
- tiredness
- increased appetite
I’ve experienced every single one of these in the last three days. This is no fun. However, it is temporary, and I think it’s important to recognize the finite period of time that this is going to be unpleasant. So without further adieu, here is my short list of Catalina Says: How to Quit Smoking. It might actually get quite long as I find myself craving a cigarette by just writing it!
- One trick is to keep yourself occupied. Writing blog posts is tricky - because I am used to smoking while writing, so this is an exercise in retraining myself to live as a non-smoker. Thinking of yourself as a non-smoker is an important key to success, if you ask me.
- Don’t even attempt to begin if you are on the fence. The devil on your shoulder will win every time. You have to be 100% all in on the ex-smoker thing. You have to think of yourself as an ex-smoker, non-smoker, and successful from the first cigarette craving you deny! Every denied craving is a success. You become AA for cigarettes. Your life becomes all about getting through each day one craving at a time. If you aren’t ready to commit, don’t bother.
- Forget patches and gum. If you are serious about quitting, then you will see why this is nonsense. Withdrawl sucks. It sucks for a few days. It doesn’t have to suck entirely, it’s just really unpleasant. Unless you are seriously a pussy, you can deal with it cold turkey. I really think patches, gums, and pills are just another addiction you have to deal with. Why trade in one for the other? Nicotine addiction comes in two parts - the addiction and the habit. The addiction is over in 3 days. Period. Scientific studies have shown that the withdrawl symptoms really peak at 3 days. The hard part is breaking that Pavlovian (learned) instinct to grab for a cigarette when you get in the car, when you sit down to write a blog post, when you’re lying in bed at night, first thing in the morning, etc. That’s you and your brain and you can only change it through conscious choice.
- Sleep as much as possible in the beginning. Take some Benadryl and and go night-night. Remember that 12 hours asleep during withdrawl means you aren’t having to deal with cravings! If possible, just take more Benadryl and go back to sleep. Remember - I’m not a doctor nor an addiction specialist. I just think that a couple of days of Benadryl is worth the long-term effects of getting through the first 72 hours.
- Tell everybody you know. Twitter it, text it, email it, post about it. People from all over the world will offer you support and support is key to quitting. Having all those people tell you they are proud of you will make you feel very good about your decision. Now is the time for that positive, cheesy, I’m proud of you bullshit.
- Stay away from friends who are smokers for a while. Just tell them you’re quitting and you can’t be tempted. Nobody will think you’re an asshole. It’s like an alcoholic who has to keep his distance from the bar. Until you can be around cigarettes and find them stinky and yucky, you have to stay around people who you are friends with who smoke. They will understand, I promise.
- Acknowledge cravings and that they suck. Say it out loud. I really wish I had a cigarette right now. I want to just reach to the left and grab a cigarette and light it and even just have it sitting there in the ashtray as I write this blog post. Yes, that’s a true statement. I look for them to be there, to the left. They aren’t. I actually looked through my night table last night without realizing it, my hand automatically reaches for that pack of cigarettes. So acknowledge it, recognize it, grieve it even, but ask yourself, “How is smoking a cigarette going to make this a better moment?” It really isn’t. Like when I’m stressed, I reach for a cigarette, and now ask, “How is smoking this paper and tobacco going to change the fact that I still have a press list to organize for the press release that needs to go out?” Again, the answer - it isn’t. It changes nothing. It has no impact whatsoever on the situation that is causing me stress.
- Don’t be a pussy. No, seriously. Don’t be a pussy. You have a choice. Do you control your behavior or does your behavior define you? I found this especially useful in controlling my eating behavior. Just who is running the show? I want… I want… I want…. well, then stop being a pussy and do it.
- Wash all your clothes and bedding and light incense all over your house and even in your car. Get rid of the smell that will soon be repugnant to you. You will wonder how other people managed to be near you after you smoked.
- Go for the instant reward - invest in teeth whitening strips (if you can’t afford to go to the dentist for the good stuff). Make your smile prettier. Think of all the little rewards you can have now because you don’t smoke. I like stuff! A lot! I’m happy to spend money on something that I’m not throwing in the garbage at the end of the day. My first reward for quitting smoking is very strategic - I am going to buy really pretty Holiday cards. Writing in them and sending them out is a good way to keep myself busy to meet my next goal, which is my midterm reward of buying a heart monitor and then finally my long-term reward of my year membership at the gym down the street.
There you go. I’m starting to count my smoke-free time in days now rather than in hours. That has to count for something. 3 days and counting!
December 4th, 2008 — Shopping, Stuff and Things
I love countdowns. It’s always good to have something to look forward to. Yes, my birthday is on Christmas, just like baby Jesus. Ok, biblical scholars are free to leave a comment correcting the assertion that Jesus and I were born on the same day.
So here is what I want for my birthday:
Well, that’s a good start on my birthday list. And now it’s time to go to bed with Marky, watch The Office, and do it all over again tomorrow.
December 3rd, 2008 — Altered Aperture, Coldplay, Recommendations, Stuff and Things
Once again I have insomnia. I haven’t slept well since my crash. It’s been pretty much my entire adult life that I’ve sporadically slept an entire night. So here it is, 3 am, and I’m just laying in bed doing nothing, so I figure I might as well get up and try to get some writing done. Thursday I’m doing a shoot with Altered Aperture, so I need to kick ass and make up for that time I’ll be away from my office.
I think I’ve yet to mention that I got the new Coldplay Prospekt’s March EP on CD early for Christmas, and a vey cool Viva la Vida t-shirt, which looks like it should fit a 10-year-old, but as it turns out, it fits me. I love early presents! This year I have a very cool present for Marky, and he doesn’t know what it is! That’s a first in our entire tenure together. We are the worst at giving each other gifts weeks ahead of any special occasion. The new disk is amazing! I love it. I’m spoiled, I have Coldplay I haven’t even heard yet on my hard drive. One of these days I will find a way to index it all and put the live shows on ColdplayLiveArchive.com. Don’t bother going, I didn’t even link it. It’s just kind of lame at this point. It’s my project blog. One of these days… someday… I swear… In case you are wondering, the EP album is amazing! Definitely find it - you will be surprised by the 4th song, Rainy Day, which sounds like it belongs on Midnight Vultures (Beck).
Well, as with all good things in life, this has to end. I have to get some sleep. I’m off to listen to Coldplay. I’m sure there is something interesting to write, but tonight is not the night for writing it. Over and out.
